My Son

This year so much of my thoughts about my son have been framed by numbers- what is his potential T-score, what are marks he can realistically aim for? What schools can he realistically attempt to apply to? Where is he going to stand vis-à-vis his peers in this mother of all placement tests? How would he deal with it if he could only be admitted a school which is considered to be less than mediocre? How would I deal with it?


In the midst of all this is a 12 year old who is trying to cope with this year and balance the expectations around him with his own sense of some of his limitations. When I sit back and look at him – I notice there is a young individual being created with so many more shades than a T-score can define. I need to remind myself to take some time off my obsession with the PSLE circus, and get to know my son. This morning he showed me an email I had sent him when he was 8, titled “10 Reasons why I love D”. I had forgotten I had sent him that email. He was able to recite a few of those reasons from memory, as we waited for the file to download. He remembered the context of all the incidents I had described in that email. It was so wonderful – that he remembered and that he cherished that memory. Do I want his memory of this year to be his mother’s obsession with DSA, PSLE, T-Score and feverish reminders to read the questions carefully, check your answers, mind the time, try and remember the vocabulary, watch out for spelling else 2 marks would be wasted?

I would want him to know that even in the midst of this mayhem, I watch with amazement my little boy grow up into a wonderful human being. I marvel at how hard he tries and how much he tries to learn. Although, I am afraid at times when I look ahead and see a long journey and wonder if he has it in him to stay the course – I need to look back and marvel at how far we have travelled.

So, here’s what I see, when I just sit back and look at this lovely 12-yr old.

He has long eye lashes and the most beautiful eyes imaginable. When he smiles, those eyes light up and a wonderful sense of calm suffuses your being.

He has a guffawing laugh at times. Lately, that laugh explodes out of him when I make funny wordplay, or launch into mock agitation or mock lectures or when I come up with quirky full forms for computer related acronyms he is always talking to me about. He is discerning though – he will dismiss my less impressive attempts and will clearly let me know I was being merely juvenile.

He is caring. His mother works. So when he calls, he always asks, “Are you free to talk now?” It blows my mind and warms my heart, that he could be so generous as not to put himself at the centre of my universe. When ‘Aunty’ has had to wait for him, if he had been unable to get a message across to her that was going to be late, he always apologises to her. He feels sorry she had to wait for him.

He is mature. When there are times I comment on the fact that Aunty spends far too much time on the mobile phone, he chides me gently – “She has a family and she is away from them, you know”

He tries hard at things to make me happy. Maths papers, English compositions, Science questions are not really his favourite ways to spend his time. But he does so, to study – because I ask him to do so.

He WILL NOT do things that don’t make sense to him. No matter who tries to persuade him. He is the child who asked me, “How is it important to me in life to be able to ride a bicycle?”

He reads obsessively. Really. Notices on any noticeboard, any flyer or circular, any piece of newspaper howsoever obtained. The printed word fascinates him.

He reads Digital Life, a supplement to the Straits Times religiously. He has been doing so ever since they introduced the supplement. A friend once had a problem with the Windows 7 operating system. He solved his friend’s problem – much like a tech support personnel over the phone, while sitting at the dining table. When I marveled at his ability to do so, he answered matter of factly, “Actually Digital Life had a list of 100 common problems with Windows 7, when it was introduced. I remembered this problem from the list.” “You remember all 100 common problems,” I asked him excitedly. “Are you mad?” he exclaimed. “Of course not!” Made me wonder, which one of us was the adult.

He is infuriating. Every so often, he tries to push the envelope. That extra hour on the computer without permission, grumpy attitude, rude answers, doors slammed shut. He wants to remind us, beatific smile notwithstanding, he is at the cusp of adolescence. If I say things one time too many, he says he finds it annoying. Yet, very often things are such that I have to repeat them more than once to get him to do them. He is polite enough, though, to hesitate a little, before declaring that he finds my ways annoy him at times. Again I am astounded by the maturity this not yet 12-year old exhibits, to understand the difference between finding a person’s behavior annoying and the person himself annoying. I have resolved to change - and allow him to make his own mistakes. I hope he is understanding with me as I attempt to change.

He loves music. He refers songs to us and exhorts us to download clean/radio edits of songs with unsuitable lyrics. When he a heard a song on his friend’s MP3 player, he exclaimed “Oooh! I love that song!” with such fervor, it shocked me for a moment that he should so love something that I had not introduced to him. He is beginning to be a brand new person, all of his own making.

He loves a good argument. He has to have the last word in, but acknowledges quickly when he has been beaten.

His world lights up when talks about anything technology related. He says that sometimes he dreams that he was developed a super operating system and that he is launching it to an audience – a la Steve Jobs. He is going to found a company, he says. It will manufacture hardware as well develop software. Sometimes, I am tempted to say – that is too wide and vague a vision, D. But I hold myself back – at least he has one.

And that is what will drive him. Yes, he may take a more scenic route to that destination. And I am so glad he chooses to let me ride along with him.