The Young Ones

I read this in the Straits Times in an article about Philip Jeyaretnam joining the PSC. Talking about interviewing potential scholarship holders, he said ‘When you’re 18, you’re entitled to try out different viewpoints. Part of the fun of being smart and young is actually to argue different sides of the coin.’

It reminded me of my own interview for the SIA Youth Scholarship, nearly 20 years ago, when I was 16. India had just gone through an election where a National Front coalition had won and V.P. Singh became the Prime Minister. Perhaps it was because I had Political Science as one of my subjects in the junior college that I was studying in at that time, the conversation veered towards the election. I said I was very happy that the decades long domination of the Congress Party had been broken and that we needed a fresh perspective. My parents had voted against Congress that year - after many years of being staunch Congress supporters. Clearly, I was channelling some of their views.

But somehow the conversation pursued on this track - I am not sure how, but I ultimately concluded the topic by saying what I would really want for India is a Communist government. I can remember the excitement with which I made the case for a Communist government - at 36 now, I can sadly not remember any of the arguments I made. For maybe I do not believe in any of them now.

Of the panelists - one was a fairly senior Ministry of Education Officer (we later found out). He said with raised eyebrows and a wry smile, "Communist? " "Yes!!" I said fervently.

Later my father questioned me - "what did you talk I about?" "Oh this and that, " I replied. "I said I thought India should become communist." He looked at me incredulously, "Lets pack our bags and leave," he said, "You are not getting this scholarship. Don't you know anything about Singapore? "

I guess the Ministry official subscribed to the essence of Philip Jeyaratnam's statement - I got the scholarship. Can't claim much on the smartness front, but idealistic I was and was able to readily defend my views.

Which is a lot more I can say for myself now. Over the years, most of my views have become resolutely centre of the continuum - regardless of the topic. At times I wonder if it is age (and attendent wisdom which is to see the world not as purely black and white but swathes of grey?) or living in a fairly affluent society where practicality seems to be valued over idealism (even in the enduring democracies like UK and US, the distinction between right and left is increasingly getting blurred).

Or is it simply that the ability to wage a debate is too exhausting intellectually - especially after one has turned simply into a receiver of information, not so much a processor - in this age of information overload. Seriously, between keeping count of Angelina Jolie's children and Tiger Woods' misstresses who has time for ideology.

I know not what it is. The soul searching has to be the topic of another blog. For now, I simply feel a little sad that I am no longer that girl who dreamt of a communist India.