I said it too soon

I said I was ready for the vicissitudes of child-rearing. Bring it on - I said arrogantly. And boy has it ever been raked in - vicissitudes wise we are scaling some pretty decent heights. Dealing with major boundary issues - how much computer time are you allowed? When privilege of computer has been taken away for transgressions - how do you punish the child for sneaking behind your back and playing computer anyway while you are away. What to do about the cover ups of the sneaks ups. Are they lies? Or an act of self defence? Will not curbing them develop the child into a pathological liar? Will curbing them to harshly just induce the child to hide more?

The books and Dr Spock, wax eloquent about setting boundaries and communicating them very clearly to the child. They also say to communicate very clearly the consequences of not respecting the boundaries. They have been mum on the topic of communicating the consequences of not respecting the boundaries of the consequences. Huh, Say that again? That's right - I figure I am just a muddle headed mom - who does a bad job of communicating both boundaries and consequences.

And I fret - o how do I fret - about this whole parenting issue. The hubby has a fairly easy solution - swift smacks on the bottom. There's communication for you. But how long does this method last? Does it guarantee that when the bottom smack-able age has passed, a beautiful boundary bound and consequence cognizant adolescent rises from the ashes of this baffled 10 yr old.

And baffled he is - yes he has done things that he should not do - but he does not seem to be able to help himself. He nods vigorously when I practice the preachings of the books on him - perhaps just to get me to shut up - but I do sense a small child somewhere that wants to do what is right ..... but oh! no computer is so cruel a punishment and if she does not know I played computer on the sly, and I complete ALL my god zillion pages of homework -it should not really matter. Should it? If a tree falls in the woods and nobody hears it, was there a sound? Or something like that.

I do love this child - so so much. I do fear where these green shoots of misdemeanour will lead to, unaware how they will develop - either into bigger mischief or to hinder the potential for achieving great things. I am hoping for the normal sitcom solution to such situations where the child miraculously understands the errors of his way and hugs his parent - and then willingly gets grounded of a month. Happily ever after.